In Which I Meet a Real Navajo Code Talker

We had a wonderful trip to Albuquerque NM this weekend. John had decided to take Saturday for some rest and relaxation, and so we wouldn't just drive down one day and back the next. It was great! We spent some time out at Kirkland Air Force Base, where John had been stationed for several years. In the course of browsing around the Base Exchange (kinda like a mall), we came across a table with a very old Navajo man and a younger woman, selling books.

Turns out the gentleman was an original Navajo Code Talker; like the men they made the movie about a few years back. It was very interesting to visit with him, and he showed us in the books where his own story was recorded, along with pictures of him as a young man. The relatively few Code Talkers still alive these days are all in their nineties, and they are trying to preserve their history and keep interest in their roles in the war alive. They are also trying to help the younger generation of Navajos take an interest in their language and history, as much of it has been lost to schooling and the pressure to not live a traditional life.

These gentlemen have a website: www.dinecodetalkers.org, , and a FB page: DineCodeTalkers. They offer several books, do lectures and other presentations that help to spread their message. I felt badly that I could not donate to them, so my "spreading the word" will hopefully make up for that. Please check them out and keep passing along their information!

We've made the trip to Albq and back several times now. The route has become familiar to me. We pass through endless stretches of Indian reservations; Apache, Ute, some sub tribes, but mostly the land is Navajo. Over the years, the huts have become modular homes, often with a circular building for their specific cultural rites. Oil development was what we noticed the most this trip; wells and transfer stations, some small refineries, popping up every where. I suppose that will be another stream of income, and perhaps employment, for the tribal associations.

One other interesting thing that I learned is that the Federal Anti-Smoking laws don't apply on reservation properties. We stopped in Farmingon NM to visit with one of my sons, and we took him to lunch at a sports bar/casino nearby. Amazingly, the place was heavy with cigarette smoke! We had forgotten what it used to be like in public places when smoking was more common. Good thing I had my Breathe oil in my purse!

Back in the 80's, we used to pile all our kids in the car and drive from Las Vegas, NV to southern California to visit my family. Along the way, at rest stops, we would often see Navajos- women, mostly- sitting on the grass with their blankets spread with jewelery and other goods for sale. It was always interesting to look and see- and sometimes buy!- the beautiful things they had made. You couldn't beat the prices, either. I never heard why they were stopped from doing it, but I know that the last time I drove to California, they weren't there.

  A fun aspect of our trip home Sunday was going out to Four Corners and discovering that the Navajo Nation runs the site; there is a $5.00 per person fee to enter. It was exciting to take our pictures on the disc representing the conjunction of Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona.. Then we turned our attention to the numerous vendor booths surrounding the monument. They weren't all occupied, but we went around and enjoyed seeing all the items available, and visiting with the salespeople, who were mostly older, some of whom were working on items as we shopped. One young man had a radio playing in the background; it was a program all in the Navajo language, and we enjoyed listening for a bit. Even for an overcast Sunday afternoon, the monument and stores were fairly busy. There are also some food booths nearby. The vendors told us that in the summer, there are long lines to get to stand on the metal plate depicting the center point, and that the entire area is filled with people taking photos and shopping. I imagine that's a pretty good living in the summer. Most everyone said their merchandise were things they had made, and a couple of them said the stones were locally dug up and polished. There was a beautiful variety of jewelery, arrows, beading and even t shirts! As we drove the 18 miles back out to the highway, two tour buses were headed in. Apparently they keep pretty busy out there year around!

I have some personal issues with the way our government has treated the Native nations, and with the continuing stereotypes and lack of expectation that is had about tribal people. I know their struggles and the habits of some are real, and I know we can't "make up" for all the past mis-treatment and events that have occurred, but I hope and pray that as a people, they can move forward and improve their lot and opportunity on the land available to them. I especially hope that they can develop sustainable industries and educate their own children while maintaining the culture that is important to them. I think hearts have to be open on both sides for resolution and healing to occur, and for our societies to see eye to eye.

All in all, we had a great weekend, and I am grateful for these experiences and the things I learned in my limited contact with Native people. If you head out that way, pay attention and try to view them with love and interest in their well being. I'll write again soon!

Not Your Normal January

We're seven days into the New Year, and it feels like Spring here in the Sanpete Valley. I am amazed at the temperatures near 50 degrees, even though it remains in the teens-to-twenties at night. The two inches of snow we had just before Christmas has mostly melted, leaving squooshy mud and brown grass behind. The sun shines brightly every day, and I hardly need my light therapy. Tending the chickens and Bunny is not the problem it usually is for me in the dead of winter. I vacillate between gratefulness for the warmth and sunshine, and considering that sooner or later, we are going to get those heavy snow storms! This often happens in March, just when I am raring to go in the greenhouse and eager to play in the garden! But we shall see.

I am preparing to go to Albuquerque this weekend to help John deliver a harp. I love going south in January; last year we went to Las Vegas for regulations just after my birthday. I will never forget the experience we had a few years ago during a hard, cold, snowy winter. As we came down the interstate into St. George UT, the sun was out and it was considerably warmer than we had felt for months. Driving through the Virgin River Gorge, both John and I got giddy and silly and couldn't stop smiling and joking! We both realized that we hadn't been in the light for weeks and we were "drunk" with sunshine! I am so grateful for my (usually) annual winter break for sun and warmth and renewal.

It is interesting to me that our culture has conditioned us to believe that we "start over" in the coldest and harshest time of the year. Ancient societies all celebrated this concept in the Spring, when life was coming forth from the earth, animal babies were being born, and there was a promise of fresh food, planting, and the harvest to come. Yet here we are, desperately trying to convince ourselves that amidst the snow and cold, it's time to move ourselves mentally and physically! My personal nature has always been to hunker down, stay inside, warm and dry, while waiting for the weather to improve. I pretty much go into survival mode in the winter, dreaming of my gardens and plans and waiting for Spring. I have often wished for the slower lifestyle of our ancestors, who really could just stay home and live on what they had stored and prepared. Of course, those good plans didn't always work the way they thought, and there are the downsides of trying to keep a home and family warm and provided for regardless of circumstances, but sometimes it seems like more of a comforting, restoring lifestyle than our hectic, year around pace!

January is also my birthday. When I was growing up in California, it was relatively warm and bright and I didn't mind it. However, over 20 years in Utah has changed my outlook- maybe growing older has contributed to that- but a birthday in the winter when I struggle the most to feel good has been difficult. I had determined that this year, I would not let it get to me; and now here we are with sunshine! I've two and a half weeks to go, though, and the weather may change. I'll keep at it, nonetheless.

I hope your personal reflections of the years past and the shiny new one before us are comforting and satisfying. As I have been learning to view myself, circumstances, and those around me with a kinder, softer view, I can see where sometimes I have missed the good because of my stresses of the present. It's probably also easier now that my children are grown and I have slowed down a bit. It really is true that perspective is everything; how I see myself and my life now brings peace and comfort to my soul, and I have surely needed that! My expectations have, thankfully, changed, and I think I am prepared now to welcome the days to come and the life experiences  yet ahead of me with greater openness and joy. I wish the same for you, too!

Thanks for reading; be sure to comment and/or share!This is last year's snowman; not enough yet this year!

Last Post for 2014!

Now that's original, isn't it? EVERYONE is posting "last posts"; I just had to get on the bandwagon! Please also forgive me if I wax sentimental- it is that time of year!

There weren't any huge events or breakthroughs in my personal life this year. I have been living with my daughter for a whole year now. Amazingly, we get along quite well, and I only pull the mommy voice out once in awhile. We've had our share of struggles this year with finding and keeping employment, and the day to day can be pretty stressful that way. But we keep going. We have some good support from family and friends, and our faith keeps us strong and moving forward.

Personal growth and healing has been the focus of much of my year. I am the classic cautionary tale of burning the candle at both ends, trying to be super-mom, and thinking that my body could handle anything I put it through. Well, it "handled" it alright; I have some chronic health problems, adrenal stress, weight gain, arthritis and fibromyalgia to deal with. I have finally managed to learn how to sleep in. Even though I still get up in the night, I am able to sleep quite well from 11 pm to 7 or 7:30 am. That is a major accomplishment! I really enjoy feeling the benefits of sleep, and I'm quite protective now of my sleep time, as well as my meditation/nap time in the afternoon. Applying principles of the Law of Attraction is also a welcome part of my day. I spent so many years running- literally- through the daylight hours and neglecting my need for spiritual connection and a respite from the demands of my life! Lately I've been on a mission to let my children all know that they need to take time for themselves and nourish their bodies and spirits. A good many things occcurred in my parenting years that I am not proud of, and I think if I had just slowed down and had a more introspective outlook, some of the difficulties in our lives might have been avoided.

So for 2015, it's Onward and Upward! I intend to continue to improve my health, work in my doTERRA business, keep everything going here at home and reach out with love to those around me. This past year, I learned how to be grateful; not a small thing to become aware of! I had an amazing experience a week ago where I was filled to the brim with an understanding of all I had to be grateful for, and it was very holy and special to me to be able to spend the better part of three days feeling that level of gratitude and love. The truth is, they go hand in hand. Ungrateful people- and I have been one from time to time- cannot express and show love in ways others can receive it. Those who genuinely love others are able to do so because they understand and live in gratitude for who people are and in their desires to love and serve. These are concepts I hope my children have figured out, even though I wasn't a very good example of them all the time. I am extremely grateful that I have grown in these, even if it is after my children are grown. I am grateful for the opportunity to reach out, to acknowledge what I have realized, and to change the example I have set.

This has been a wintery week. We have snow on the ground, and it is the coldest we've had since last winter. We took down the Christmas tree and decorations, but left up the lights, because that is such a comfort to me. I struggle with the darkness and the cold, and at this point, I'm reminding myself that April is just four months away! I can't count on March around here; we often get our worst snow storms that month!

I suppose it is unfair to say that nothing of note has happened this year. As I write and think, many things come back to my memory. What looks small to one is huge to another, I guess. I do want to mention our miracle; one of our creditors totally absolved our debt to him! It wasn't large in common terms, but for us it was a huge amount, and it was very unexpected to get his call and tell us our balance was $0. It took several minutes for the reality to really sink in, and I found myself without the words to thank him effectively. God will bless that man for his generosity and kindness. If I ever get the chance to bless him, I will gladly do so!

We celebrated our traditional "12 Days" the best we could this year. Service to others is something my children are known for, and I have always wanted them to have generous hearts, no matter how much or how little they had. We had a good time sharing and surprising, making and including our friends and neighbors in our Christmas this year. Our Christmas Eve giving to each other was sweet, and we all enjoyed a very relaxing Christmas Day. I read 5 Richard Paul Evans books! Granted, he's an easy read and the stories are not complex, but it was fun just to read and snack and enjoy the day here at home without fuss and expectations. I do miss having little ones around, but for this year, it was a perfect day.

I hope as everyone readies for the New Year, that your memories are sweet and precious, and that you also are able to plan and prepre for the days to come. Sometimes it seems like the world is changing fast, and other times, it seems to slow to a crawl. Whatever season of life you find yourself in, I hope you have joy. I wish everyone a blessed and prosperous 2015, and thank you for reading and letting me share my life with you!

Happy Birthday, Samuel

Today my son Samuel is 28. He calls himself the middle child, being my third son out of five of my own children when he was born, but we had four girls and three boys then, with four more children to come after him. He was wanted, and loved, and his older sisters all doted on him!

We were expecting him to arrive in the middle of December, which I thought would work out great, giving me plenty of time to do Christmas things while recovering. Instead, he waited. A neighbor had a son with a Christmas Day birthday, and they celebrated in July on the half birthday. I really wanted to avoid such confusion, and besides, we already had a lot of summer birthdays! I was really grateful when I went into labor about midnight on the 22nd. Sure enough, Sam made his entrance- he always makes an entrance- about 9 am.

In my days of having hospital births but wanting to explore and try new things, I had read up on various techniques that could be used in a hospital but that would take some of the institutionalism out. My OB/GYN was so patient as I brought my ideas in each month! No, the hospitals here didn't use birthing chairs, but he had had experience with them in the East and didn't think they made much difference. (When I finally had one, for Hannah, it DID make a difference for me!) He was also familiar with the LeBoyer method, and agreed to make arrangements with the hospital for me to have it, barring complications in the birth. Near the end of my pregnancy, the new partner in the office became my primary Dr, and he was ok with it, too.

It's not well known, but LeBoyer was a French physician who believed that a child should be born into a relatively dark, warm and wet environment that would mimic the womb, and so help the child to transition to the new world. No bright lights, a relatively quick immersion into a basin of warm water, which continued for several minutes as the child would adjust. Sam's birth was fairly quick and uneventful; the lights were low, he was slid into the basin and it was fascinating to watch him open his eyes, look around and stretch. Then he was placed- wet- on my chest, covered but not wrapped in a blanket. He had not cried, was not "stimulated" or even handled very much by the Dr. and nurses. Samuel picked up his head, looked me straight in the face with his big, blue marble eyes, and stared at me for several seconds. Then he nursed briefly, was taken away for a more thorough clean up and exam, and so was I. The hospital, though small, let the babies stay with mothers as much as we wanted them, so we had a lot of contact throughout the rest of the day and night.(I could never get another hospital or midwife to agree to this, but it was great for Sam!)

In the morning, in true super-mom mode- it was Christmas Eve, after all- I was dressed and standing in the doorway of my room at 9 am, waiting for the Pediatrician, who knew me well, to approve Sam for release. The previous evening, the obstetrician had said that I could go home Christmas morning if I was feeling well, and I had informed him of my intention to go home the next morning, to which he replied, "we shall see". In his defense, he did not know me very well yet. So as he came down the hall, and saw me standing in the doorway fully dressed, he said, "alright, I guess you are going home". My pediatrician got quite a laugh out of that!

So we came home to a very excited household, and later that evening I wrapped Samuel up and hauled him through Kmart as I finished the Christmas shopping. This had been necessary because we hadn't gotten paid until that very day, and I had a layaway to pick up! Remember, this was in the days of my young motherhood, when I sincerely believed that I was invincible! He was born on a Wednesday, Christmas was Friday, and on Sunday, we attended three hours of Church- 50 minutes of which I taught a Sunday School lesson. In the emotion of the season, people said I looked just like Mary with the Savior, and of course, I was flattered.

At six weeks old, Sam became suddenly ill. I was terrified. The older kids had just gotten over a November/early December case of the chicken pox, and I thought his fever portended his own case. However, there were no spots, and the fever went quite high. I was alone with kids at home, made a couple of phone calls and got us a ride to the hospital. No one from my church was available to give him a blessing, so I did it myself, begging God to forgive my presumptuousness and bless my son. I held him as he had a spinal tap, and sure enough, he had meningitis. Fortunately, we caught it very early. He was transferred to a bigger hospital,  but was only in for three days and then sent home. I felt VERY blessed! No complications, and he has not been particularly susceptible to infection since.

The fact is, he was hardly ever ill! Didn't even break a bone until he was a teenager. Samuel loves music and dance, is quite accomplished in both, and has always loved to help out and serve others. He was also known around town for walking, no matter the weather or season! He's still very active today, and I always enjoy hearing what shows he's been to and cultural opportunities he's having. I don't see him nearly often enough, and I value his friendship and efforts to stay connected even through our family "rough patches". He is still wanted and loved, and it has been a great blessing in my life to know him. I am really proud of the man he has become.

HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SON!

End of the Year ALREADY?

So much for good intentions! I had actually set up my own web page, but could not get it to do all I wanted. Then the hosting fees kicked in and I finally shut it down. There is so much that I want to do with blogging, but simply haven't found the format I'm comfortable with yet. Now here I am, end of the year, with four months of inactivity on my blog; who's going to "follow" that?

As usual, a lot has been going on here. Spent most of the summer, outside of my New Orleans trip, gardening and running yard sales. We sold a lot of tools and personal items, trying to raise money for our new roof, but in reality, only keeping ourselves afloat. I did have my week-with-the-grandkids before school started. It was fun to have them here, a blessing that my son Alma stayed with us to help out with his two year old, and I was reminded again of what it really means to "childproof" a home!

Got to go to California in October. It was harp business, but we took a day to drive down from Pasadena to Vista, where I grew up. Played on the beach in Carlsbad, showed John around in some of the places I could still recognise. The little town of avocado and orange groves, and winding streets, has been replaced by shopping centers, freeways and massive growth! I did get to see a couple of places I used to live, and we also had a wonderful visit with our harp customers, so it was a great opportunity.  I cried as we left the warmth and sunshine, though; it was already cooler back home.

Bucky has been lonely without Princess, his companion. We want to get another dog, but we are picky and can't afford to buy or pay to rescue a dog. I don't want a male that will challenge Bucky, or a female that won't be a good companion for him. We have feelers out, and trust that at the right time, a dog will come our way.

Cassandra has been through several jobs. It is so hard to find something sustaining with her limitations, and frankly, the people and environments she's worked in have been really difficult. Job Service isn't a lot of help. Even I am signed up now, although working outside of my home again after 30 years is a bit daunting.

Miss Hannah turned 18 last month; I am still adjusting to the concept! She is still in school, so it really hasn't changed a lot of things, but the reality is there, and I am trying to change how I see her. So far, she is happy to be at home, in school, and helping out around here. I have no more "children" at home. That feels odd.

I am supposed to be working online. I've had two bona-fide online jobs, but they are sporadic and not sufficient to sustain us. Mostly, though, I've had scam after scam show up in my inbox, just because I have looked online for work! It is very frustrating to try and sort through all the offers and promises to determine what is real or fake. I am amazed at the lengths these get-rich-quick places go to try and rope you in!

I had a great time at doTERRA Convention in September. Got to spend a whole day with Dr. Susan Lawton, which was an incredible blessing. Saw so many of my friends, even though Convention is impossibly big now and even more exhausting than before! SO many changes and growth in doTERRA! I came home energized to build my team, and have been having two classes a month ever since. I send out information and samples, teach and consult locally, and really hope to make progress and earn a living with doTERRA.

So now we are three days from Christmas and the Solstice is upon us. We have a small tree and decorations, and a few presents under the tree. Because of our finances, this is the least Christmas we've ever had. Even though my children are adults now, I still feel badly about not having the things we need and want. I have been sewing gifts for my grandchildren, and giving away things to my children. Still hoping for one of those Christmas Miracles, not just for "stuff", but because there is so much we need right now. It has been fun to continue our 12 Days of Christmas tradition of making treats for our neighbors and friends. We've had some gifts in return, and it is always fun to sample other people's goodies, as well. I have cooked every day for two weeks! I greatly enjoy the lights we have up, and the lighting of our Menorah for the past five days; the season of light has great significance for me, and I love having candles and Christmas lights! Even the diffusers join in the action, with their colored misting displays! The music always warms my soul, as well; I actually play Christmas music off and on all year!

Another son has a birthday in two days; his birth just before Christmas was very special for me, and he was my "LeBoyer" birth; being placed in a basin of water in a darkened delivery room when he was born, and

allowed to make a peaceful transition into this world. I intend to more fully post about that experience in a couple of days, so stay tuned! He has grown into a fine young man, and I'm very proud of him.

My spiritual journey has continued. Lots of soul searching these past months; seeing things through new eyes and being open to concepts that are changing a lot of my feelings and intentions towards my environment and the world. These are never easy things to define, and I am not preaching any religion or creed, but I expect some of what I am learning will creep into posts and I will get to share more with you as I move ahead.

I won't bore you with too much droning on, especially after such a long hiatus! Going to be more diligent here, explore all kinds of fun things and brag about my children, pets and livestock. I am practicing gratitude more and more each day, and I truly am grateful for my life, the opportunities I've had and have, and the people who enrich my experience. Thanks so much for sticking with me; please stay in contact, keep reading, and even comment once in awhile! I hope to keep mastering this, building my blog, and learning how to make it better and better! Wishing a wonderful holiday season for all of you; no matter what it is you celebrate, or if you are like me and enjoy it all!

New Orleans and beyond!

You know, I had every intention of posting as soon as we got back from the harp conference in New Orleans. In the van on the way home, I began to put ideas and phrases together, excited to share with all of you my adventure. Then we got home...

Life is so amazing. For me, it's a constant whirlwind of what I need to do now and what's coming up. I am one of those hyper-aware planning types- it all gets thought through and I fully intend that everything is going to work out the way I am expecting it to! Unfortunately, not everyone else I deal with is on the same page as I am, so I often get derailed or detoured, and it is a struggle sometimes to feel like I'm back on track and headed in the "right" direction.

We got home late on a Friday night- well, it was really Saturday morning already- and the van had to be returned later that day after we got all of our personal things out, and then delivered some of the harps to Salt Lake. After a few hours' sleep, we got all that taken care of, basically extending our trip that extra day. I was brain dead on Sunday, but hadn't crashed yet. On top of that, John was off to a wedding in Oregon in three days, and while I was looking forward to some quiet time to recoup, that isn't exactly what happened.

So many things to deal with! Garden, animals, family, church, things that had to be planned or arranged, catching up with all I'd missed...it was crazy. While we were gone, the Czar, our Doberman Pinscher, had eaten something and stopped himself up again. Family at home were in a  panic, and we thought he would have to be put down, because he had just had surgery the month before when he swallowed a t shirt, and not only could we not afford another surgery, he hadn't even fully healed yet! Every day of our trip was stress over Czar, getting reports, sending him to a Vet who gave him some medicine we hoped would disintegrate whatever he'd swallowed, praying and hoping that he would at least hang on until we could get back home.  Well, he did; a few days before we got back, he'd started drinking again. I suggested some raw eggs, and he loved those. We came home to an emaciated but playful dog, and we've nursed him back to health and his normal into-everything-ness.

I also came home to see that my black cocker spaniel, Princess, had deteriorated. I'd known for awhile that she had cancer, and her body had never been normal, but it was clear to me that she was slowing down. Last week she reached the end of her life, very calmly and I think comfortably until the last moments when she had a seizure and died in my arms. I am so grateful for the quiet comfort of her presence and her love.

This post is supposed to be about the trip to New Orleans, so here we go! We had a heavily loaded cargo van to take from here to pick up more harps in Texas, then on into my adventure of places I'd never been before into New Orleans. After Texas, we stayed in Shreveport LA, where I saw the mighty Mississip for the first time. I was absolutely amazed at how green everything was. And it seemed like all the trees except the pines were flowering! I later found out that the crape myrtle is profusely planted, and they are really beautfiul trees in several colors. The highway was lined with pines and flowering trees, and it was very wet. I was amazed at how little farming was being done in the big stretches behind the trees, and then I found out that most of the land was swampy and too wet for planting. We did pass through large areas of swamp with water under the elevated roadways. I took a lot of pictures and "checked in" on Facebook in all the interesting places we stopped. Got to eat at a Waffle House on the way home; all my southern cousins talk about it, and now I have been to one!

We got to New Orleans the night before the conference, then unloaded the van right on Canal Street the next morning at 6 am. The foot and street traffic was incredible. For the loading after, I discovered that there WAS an area for trucks behind the hotel, and we used that instead. We were in the historic Crowne Plaza Hotel, on Canal and Bourbon streets. It is not a single structure, but rather several old buildings fused to make 14 floors of rooms, with a pool on the top. Our room, fortunately, was in a newer part of the building, very comfortable, although we did not spend much time there! The hotel ballrooms were the location for the conference and exhibits; we had a great time renewing old acquaintances, meeting new people, making contacts and sales. We were treated by the Harp Society to a couple of buffets; the last was a local food spread, and we really enjoyed the Jambalya and other seafood treats! The Conference went through Friday, but the exhibits were only Sunday to Tuesday midnight; we packed up Wednesday morning and headed back out the way we came.

Our harp distributor, who was footing the bill for everything, took us out to eat at a famous Bourbon street restaurant named Galatoines. Jackets were required for gentlemen, and they had a ready selection available for the unprepared. I took photos of the food, of us, the building....an absolute tourist in a genteel setting! It was obvious that the place had regulars, who chatted and visited with the staff, and there was a very intimate feel to the service and ambiance. I had a wonderful time! John and I took a couple of hours on Tuesday afternoon to walk down to the river and into the French Market district, where I got to sit in and eat at Cafe' du Monde- one of my big wishes for when I was there! It was great, even in the rain! BTW, it really does rain every day in N.O.; at least when we were there! Did the same thing four years ago in Tacoma WA for the conference we worked, as well!

Every day was full and hectic. I met harp legends, and heard wonderful stories of the legends my late father in law and my mother in law are. Even our "rivals" across the way were gracious and complimentary. I even sold a harp or two! Realized that if I'm going to be effective in the harp world, I really need to be able to tune a harp, and play a little. So I have new goals for when my shoulder heals and "hopefully" my life settles down enough to devote some time and energy to that.

The driving itself was uneventful; just long hauls of 8 to 12 hours every day to get to the next hotel we were booked into, and up again early to go again. We did stop in Albuquerque New Mexico on the way home to meet my FB friend Billy, who is a photographer and owns a studio downtown. We also visited with one of John's old friends from Air Force days and picked up his daughter's harp to bring home for repairs. Later that day, we got to see my son Tim, who lives in Farmington. Then we drove until we reached home.

It really was a great trip, and I so enjoyed going places and seeing new things! New Orleans had been a wish for me for years, so when I was asked to go I jumped at the chance. It was an exhausting 10 days, but worth it- even with the worry at home and how tired I was. John and I really enjoyed our time together in the van; talking and comparing notes and renewing our bond together. It was not a "vacation", but it was really nice to have the time and experiences to share. I am grateful that we were home before that awful shooting on the street just down from where we had stayed in New Orleans, and that everyone and everything here was in relatively good shape when we got back. My next "big adventure" is going to be doTERRA Convention in Salt Lake City this September; have my ticket, and my room booked, and really looking forward to my annual romp with my oily friends!

Premature and Totally Unprepared

To be fair, I suppose no one can be "prepared" for a premature baby. In my case, it was 1981; on my birthday, in fact, when I started to have contractions. My General Practice Doctor turned me over to a specialist, who put me on some medication and sent me home to rest. Unfortunately, I did not tolerate it well, becoming nauseous and headachy. After about a week of ups and downs trying to stay home on the drug, I was admitted to the local hospital; the same place I had borne my oldest son 19 months before.

A relatively small hospital, I was on the same floor with women's surgery and maternity. I was placed in a corner room; surgery patients to my left, and the labor rooms to my right. Day and night, I listened to women coming and going-some with great noise- on the labor side. As for me, I was hooked up to an IV, not allowed out of bed for any reason, where I played rollercoaster- they'd turn up the IV, the contractions would stop, I'd get sick, they'd turn it down, I would feel better, and the contractions would start again. My husband and parents would bring my son to see me every few days, and the TV had four channels, so I did not get much in the way of entertainment. No other visitors were allowed. I read books and magazines whenever I felt well enough. Tests showed that my son was doing well, but the big question was whether his lungs were mature enough for life outside the womb. With the first amniocentisis, they were not. Two weeks later, the results were "barely". I held out a few more days, had a serious talk with my Dr, and asked them to pull the IV and see what would happen.

Three hours later, I was in labor again. Personally, I wasn't ever not in labor; they just managed to hold delivery in abeyance for a month! Over the course of the afternoon and evening, I had sporatic contractions- I am pretty sure my poor body was seriously confused at this point. Sometime after midnight they got stronger, and we decided I was really going to have him this time. We let our family know, and in the early morning of February 28, my son entered the world. He shot out so quickly that I watched the Dr. fumble and almost drop him, but he looked healthy and strong, and didn't have any trouble breathing. Six weeks early he was, small- 4 lbs 11 oz- but I was thrilled to have made it and hold a healthy child.

He had to be kept warm. The second day after delivery, the nurses explained that they had to keep him under lights and in an incubator for warmth and jaundice. He had lost precious ounces of weight, so they began to gavage feed him instead of letting me nurse. I was totally unprepared to be sent home the next day without my child; my husband literally dragged me, weeping, out of the hospital. I could not fathom leaving him there. My plan was to return three times a day to pump breast milk so he could be fed. I did, but I was not allowed to nurse him or hold him for very long. I felt like I was abandoning my child, and no one really explained anything to me, or what I might expect. Information came in the moment; as in, "here, you have to go home now", and as I stood outside the nursery I watched them apply the eye pads and put him under the bilirubin lights.

As I have reflected over my experience with the hospital these past 33 years, I have come to realize that the nurses were just doing their job. There weren't any support staff to explain to a young mother what was or could happen, how to prepare, or how to deal with my sense of isolation and fear. Every day when I came to the hospital I had no idea what to expect. I rarely saw the Pediatrician there. We did not have meetings or progress reports, no one but my husband or I was allowed to see or hold our child. Parents and friends didn't even see him  until he came home at 2 weeks old. In the grand scheme of things, that's not so long- only half the time I had spent trying to forestall his arrival- but for me, every day was excruciating. Every question I was asked I had to answer, "I don't know", because I didn't, and as far as I knew, no one else did, either.

Today when preemies are born it seems a whole army goes to work. Other mothers I have known with premature infants have had a lot more support, information and inclusion into the treatment and care of their children. There are groups, and home visits, follow up and mostly, information, that simply wasn't available or given to me when my son was born. The day he reached 5 lbs we brought him home. He saw the Pediatrician like any other child. His growth was relatively normal and he had no defects or significant delays; a little smaller and a little slower to develop than other babies his age, but he caught up to all that within the first two years. It's just that I had no idea what to expect; and I did spend time worrying over silly little things like when he walked and talked, and how much he was eating.

Parenthood is such an intense experience. As a mother, I was faced with emotions that I never knew were within me. There were unexpected and unintended consequences to so many things! Little things, big things, some days my world was just a spinning carousel of trying to figure out which way to turn and what I needed to do for myself and my children. Nine months after Alma's birth, we took custody of two half sisters from my husband's first marriage; his daughter and her younger sister. About the same time, I discovered I was pregnant again. That pregnancy involved moves, surgeries for my son, dealing with an integrating family, doubling the children in my home  overnight, loss and mourning for the girls and for my boys who had to move away from their maternal grandparents, several job changes, and ultimately, a daughter who we thought was being born two weeks overdue, but who I came to understand was really two weeks early. Not a preemie in the strict sense, but over time it became apparent that she was not fully ready to be born, and she paid the price for an "overdue induction".

I am not bitter about my experiences. It was a different time technologically, and people's expectations and understanding of the world were different. I have had to learn how to ask questions, how to assert myself as the mother of an ill child, what to do when something unexpected happens, and how to listen to and follow my gut. It's all a process. I am grateful that mothers today are afforded the help of so many people, that they don't have to wander alone in fear and trepidation along the path of motherhood. Doctors are, by and large, much more aware of the need for parents to be informed and have a say. Hospitals are set up to include the family and make the scary days less scary. Preemie is not the terrifying word it used to be; still not comfortable, expected or desirable, but much more manageable and the outcomes are better. All in all, that's a good thing.